We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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