I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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