oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Two words: blizzard sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
