Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
