I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
