Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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