I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
