I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
