The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
