uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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