Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
