Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
