We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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