I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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