Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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