His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
