You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
