I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
