So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
