I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We're too hungover to prance.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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