Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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