I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
