it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
