Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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