Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
