I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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