He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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