Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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