So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
