it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
