hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
