Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
