Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
