OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
