you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
