I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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