Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
