tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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