He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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