Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
