Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
