I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
