ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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