if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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