i think my mom watched the whole time
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
