I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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