Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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