My nipple is on Facebook.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
