your room smells of hookers.
And success
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
