one two three fourrrrnication!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
