you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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